Once upon a vibe, there was this little girl so sweet and wholesome that everybody basically stan’d her. Her grandma was her #1 fan and made her a red cloak that ate so hard people just called her Lil Red Riding-Hood.One morning her mom was like: “Bestie, run this basket to Grandma. She’s down bad with the flu. It’s giving butter, eggs, and fresh cake. Don’t flop.”Lil Red was like, “Bet,” grabbed her fit, and dipped.On the way, she ran into a wolf who was looking kinda sus, like major red flag energy.Wolf: “GM Lil Red, where you sliding to?” Red (oblivious): “To Grandma’s crib. She’s sick. I’m delivering some snacks. Very cottagecore.” Wolf (gaslighting vibes): “Same, I’ll walk with you. Say less.”They strolled, but Red got distracted picking ✨aesthetic✨ wildflowers for content. Wolf wasn’t about that soft life; he rage-quit the convo and full-on speedran to Grandma’s.He pulled up and knocked. Grandma: “Who’s there?” Wolf (capping hard): “It’s me, Lil Red. Got that butter and cake drop.” Grandma: “Pull the bobbin, bestie.”He pulled it, ran inside, and straight up ratio’d Grandma — ate her whole. Zero chill. Then he cosplayed her, threw on her bonnet, and posted up in bed.Soon Red arrived, tapped at the door. Wolf (voice filter on): “Who’s there?” Red: “It’s me, Grandmaaa. I brought snacks, duh.” Wolf: “Pull the bobbin.”She walked in like: “Hey queen, how you feeling?” Wolf: “Bad vibes only, my throat is cooked.” Red: “Grandma, why your eyes glowing like ring lights?” Wolf: “The better to see you, bestie.” Red: “And your ears? Big yikes.” Wolf: “The better to hear your hot tea.” Red: “And them arms? Built different.” Wolf: “The better to hug you, no cap.” Red: “But Grandma, them teeth are giving shark week…” Wolf (popping off): “The better to EAT you with!”He lunged. Red was about to get clapped when suddenly the woodcutters pulled a jump-scare entrance. They’d been lurking since the wolf tried sliding in her DMs earlier.They pulled up, no chill, and hard-launched that wolf straight into the gulag.Red was saved, traumatized but still serving main character energy. She speedran home, told her mom the whole lore drop, and everyone was like, “Slay, but maybe don’t talk to strangers next time.”Moral of the story: wolves stay sus, touch grass, and never trust unsolicited “GM”s.
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